Holoom

Inspired by Bob Lewis’ excellent blog, particularly the Management Speak snippets, I present you with a number of office sentences that conceal an entirely different meaning, and their corresponding translations:

1. Manager to subordinate: “Instead of giving you the solution, I want you to figure this out”
Real meaning: “I don’t know what the hell you are talking about, but it looks like a lot of work and I don’t want to get involved. So you do it and let me know so I can take credit for it.”

2. Manager to subordinate: “I have to give you credit for this”
Real meaning: “Because there are witnesses that saw you perform the job, I have to give you credit for this. Otherwise I would keep the credit to myself.”

3. Peer to peer: “I always knew you were the right person for this position.”
Real meaning: “I fought teeth and claw so that you wouldn’t get appointed to this. But now that you are doing a nice enough job, I want to stay on your good side.”

4. Peer to peer: “My boss is an idiot.”
Real meaning: “My boss is an idiot.”

5. Subordinate to manager: “My biggest defect is that I demand too much of myself.”
Real meaning: “My biggest defect is my total lack of self criticism.”

6. Subordinate to manager: “I need to talk to you about my responsibilities.”
Real meaning: “I need to talk to you about my salary.”

7. Shuje to you: “Inspired by Bob Lewis’ excellent blog.”
Real meaning: “Blatantly plagiarizing Bob Lewis.”

Shuje

On my next post I will explain why Buzz should remain a mating call for mosquitoes and nothing else. In the meantime, I would really like to hear your examples of Office Talk. Post below of email them to shuje@holoom.com